dayandnightitsjustlife: the bottom of you hair was once at the top of your head
iwantt0be4every0oung: telescopical: rosiebeck: nxv: primisthebomb: I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING i read the first line in my head in the tune of call me maybe im so stupid I threw a...
thespookiesttaco: i would do my homework but sadly i am only an eel
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
Tumblr: I am a strong and independent blue website who don't need no Yahoo
selfdoubtandsyphilis: dankestrnemes: do animals think in english or in the sounds they make this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
soselfimportant: 4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy
friendlycloud: hitlervevo: why the fuck cant we text the police lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you Relevant
sabrinagrimm: sabrinagrimm: WHEN I WAS 4 I WAS ON SESAME STREET AND I HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH GROVER AND HE ASKED ME HOW IT FELT WHEN I FALL OFF MY BIKE AND I CHUCKLED DARKLY AND SAID “I DON’T FALL OFF MY BIKE” AND HE LOOKED AT THE CAMERA AND SAID “oh.” NAD THEN I SATRTED POINTING AND LAUGHIGN AT HIM AND THEN THEY CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE AND THAT WAS IT THAT IS MY LEGACY
Babies don't have fingernails.
babybearhayley: mommyashleigh: They have razor blades. Accurate
*Wakes up in the middle of the night*
Me: Please don't be 6am
Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!
*Shoves face back into pillow*
unfreshing: this pussy clean this pussy squeaky that pussy old, that pussy creaky
so tired of being fucking broke.
chainsawmama: paperthinatheist: jaclcfrost: remember bunnicula the bunny that sucks the juices out of vegetables I read this whole fucking series and I’m not ashamed. LOVED THIS BOOK AS A KID. LOVED.
frenchfrysweatshirt: a haiku about periods haagen dazs ice cream that stain is not coming out i am so horny
arielrebekah: oh my god i got a face swap app and i tried it out on a picture of harry and grimmy but instead it put grimmy’s face on the dr dre shirt and dr dre’s face on harry i??????
Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75– Benjamin Franklin (via brokenpromisesanddbrokenhearts)